Last week, I invited you to consider one simple truth:
You are allowed to feel joy, no matter what is going on in your life.
For some people, that felt wonderfully freeing.
For others, it may have felt almost impossible.
Perhaps you found yourself thinking…
“I’ll feel joyful when…”
When the children leave home.
When work calms down.
When the house is finally decorated.
When I lose the weight.
When the diagnosis changes.
When the relationship improves.
When life feels easier.
The problem is…
Life rarely reaches a point where everything is neatly tied up with a ribbon.
There is usually something demanding our attention.
Something worrying us.
Something unfinished.
If we wait for perfect before allowing ourselves to experience joy, we may spend a lifetime waiting.
What if we’ve been looking in the wrong place?
Maybe We’ve Been Looking for Joy in All the Wrong Places
When I ask people what joy looks like, they often describe the big moments.
A wedding.
The birth of a child.
A dream holiday.
Fireworks lighting the night sky.
Standing ovations.
Huge celebrations.
Those moments are wonderful.
But they’re also relatively rare.
If we’ve been taught that this is what joy looks like, we can easily overlook the hundreds of quieter moments that appear every week.
Perhaps joy isn’t always loud.
Perhaps joy whispers.
Perhaps it’s found in the messy middle of ordinary life.
My Week of Quiet Joy
This week I crocheted my very first mandala.
It wasn’t perfect.
I had to concentrate.
I followed the video one stitch at a time.
When I’d finished, I felt something much bigger than pride.
I felt joy.
Not because I’d created a masterpiece.
But because I’d learned something new.
Another day my car decided to develop a fault.
Normally that could have sent me into panic.
Instead, I stopped.
I breathed.
I allowed my nervous system to settle before deciding what to do next.
Only then did I realise I was close to a friend’s house.
She kindly let me borrow her phone.
It was lovely to catch up after her holiday.
Stephen came to rescue me.
The garage knew exactly what the problem was.
What could have become a stressful afternoon became one filled with relief, kindness, connection and gratitude.
Later that evening Stephen and I watched a comedian together.
We laughed.
Really laughed.
Again…
Joy.
None of these moments changed my life overnight.
None of them solved every challenge.
Yet every one of them nourished me.
Maybe Joy Isn’t at the Finish Line
I wonder if we’ve accidentally turned joy into a destination.
As though we earn it when life finally behaves itself.
But perhaps joy isn’t waiting for us at the finish line.
Perhaps it’s walking beside us all along.
We simply haven’t noticed because we’ve been looking too far ahead.
Our brains naturally have what psychologists call a negativity bias.
They’re designed to notice problems before pleasures.
Threats before treasures.
It’s one of the ways our brains have evolved to help keep us safe.
The downside is that we often become experts at spotting everything that’s wrong while completely overlooking everything that’s quietly going right.
Just as gratitude gently widens our perspective, joy invites us to notice what has always been there.
Not instead of the difficult things.
Alongside them.
Maybe We Were Never Taught What Joy Feels Like
Most of us grow up learning a surprisingly small emotional vocabulary.
Happy.
Sad.
Angry.
Scared.
Yet our emotional lives are far richer than that.
Joy.
Contentment.
Wonder.
Awe.
Relief.
Peace.
Belonging.
Delight.
Sometimes we don’t recognise joy because nobody ever showed us what quiet joy looks like.
Perhaps we confuse it with excitement.
Or love.
Or relief.
Perhaps we dismiss it because it doesn’t feel dramatic enough.
Yet quiet joy may be exactly what our nervous system has been longing for.
A Little Invitation
This week, I’d love to invite you to become curious.
Not about fixing your life.
Not about pretending everything is okay.
Simply about noticing.
Notice the first sip of your morning coffee.
Notice birdsong.
Notice the smell of lavender.
Notice your dog greeting you.
Notice a smile.
Notice laughter.
Notice creativity.
Notice connection.
Notice the moments that make your shoulders soften.
Because those moments matter.
This Week’s Joyful July Challenge
Can I invite you to do something wonderfully simple?
Blow bubbles.
If you have children’s bubble mixture, wonderful.
If not…
A little washing-up liquid and your fingers will do just fine.
Watch them float.
Watch them catch the sunlight.
Watch them drift wherever the breeze takes them.
Notice what happens in your body.
You don’t have to earn joy.
You don’t have to wait until life is perfect.
You don’t have to apologise for smiling in the messy middle.
Because…
You are allowed to experience joy exactly where you are today.
Reflection
Where did you discover a quiet moment of joy this week?
I’d genuinely love to hear.
If life has felt overwhelming recently and you’ve forgotten how to notice those quiet moments of joy, perhaps your nervous system simply needs a little space to breathe.
A Calm Conversation offers a safe, secure and supported place to explore what’s happening for you, gently regulate your nervous system and reconnect with yourself.
Read the Joyful July blog here
Read How can an emotional wellbeing coach help you here
Access The Quick Calm Guide here
Work directly with me through the EMBRACES programme available here
Or take the self directed route through EMBRACES here
To hear about ‘Where to look for joy’ listen to this podcast from The Greater Good Magazine