A conversation yesterday stopped me in my tracks.
Someone looked at me and said,
“So you’re still here then?”
They meant it kindly.
But it made me realise something.
I haven’t been posting as much recently.
Partly because treatment has taken a lot of my energy.
Partly because I have been trying to make sense of where I am now.
And partly because I am learning to live in a body that feels different from the one I knew before.
Many people assume that when treatment ends, life simply returns to normal.
That recovery has a finish line.
That there comes a moment when you are declared “better” and everything goes back to how it was before.
Sometimes that happens.
Sometimes it doesn’t.
For me, the chemo was not as successful as we had hoped. So instead of thinking of cancer as something I have “beaten” or “lost to”, I am learning to live alongside what is happening in my body with more compassion, curiosity and care.
I have never liked the language of fighting cancer.
Cancer is not an enemy outside of me.
It is something within my body. Something that, for me, feels as though it is asking me to listen differently, live differently, and relate to myself differently.
I do not see this as a war.
I see it more as a dance.
Sometimes awkward.
Sometimes exhausting.
Sometimes deeply uncomfortable.
Sometimes strangely illuminating.
And in this season, I am learning the steps as I go.
Sometimes surviving isn’t the finish line
Sometimes surviving is the beginning of learning how to trust your body again.
The beginning of understanding new limitations.
The beginning of listening more carefully.
The beginning of discovering that strength no longer looks like pushing through at all costs.
Over recent months, I have been learning a new relationship with my body.
My plans have changed.
My expectations have changed.
My energy has changed.
And whilst that can be uncomfortable, it has also invited me into a different relationship with myself.
One that is gentler.
One that is less focused on forcing and more focused on listening.
Less focused on fixing and more focused on nurturing.
Less focused on controlling the outcome and more focused on creating the conditions for healing, growth and peace.
When the body changes, the nervous system listens
As an Emotional Wellbeing Coach, I often talk about nervous system regulation, emotional safety and self-compassion.
This season of life has asked me to practise what I teach.
To slow down.
To rest when I need to.
To ask for support.
To trust that my value exists whether I am doing, resting, healing or simply being.
And I know I am not the only person who has had to learn this.
Maybe your body has changed through illness.
Maybe your nervous system has been shaped by stress, trauma, burnout or grief.
Maybe menopause has left you feeling like a stranger in your own skin.
Maybe you are still functioning, still smiling, still showing up, while quietly wondering how long you can keep going.
If that is you, I want you to know this:
You do not have to wait until you completely collapse before you are allowed to receive support.
Learning where you are now
One of the hardest parts of change is realising that we cannot always return to the version of ourselves we were before.
Before the diagnosis.
Before the burnout.
Before the grief.
Before the anxiety.
Before the relationship ended.
Before life became heavier than expected.
But perhaps wellbeing is not always about getting back to who we were.
Sometimes wellbeing is about meeting ourselves where we are and walking gently with what comes next.
Not forcing.
Not pretending.
Not rushing.
Simply meeting ourselves honestly and kindly in this moment.
Support if this resonates with you
If you are navigating illness, stress, burnout, anxiety, grief or a life transition you did not choose, support is available.
You may find these external resources helpful:
- Macmillan Cancer Support has information on recovering physically and emotionally after cancer treatment.
- Cancer Research UK has guidance on mental health during and after cancer treatment.
- The NHS has self-help resources for anxiety, fear, panic and emotional wellbeing.
And if you would like support from me, I currently have spaces available for:
Nervous System Reset Sessions
A gentle 60-minute session to help you pause, breathe, regulate and reconnect with yourself.
1:1 Emotional Wellbeing Coaching
For women who are overwhelmed, burnt out, overstretched or disconnected from themselves and want a safe, secure and supported space to heal, regulate and reconnect.
You may also find support through my resources in the shop
What to read next
For more context, you may also like:
Why Do I Feel Overwhelmed All The Time?
What Does An Emotional Wellbeing Coach Do?
5 Gentle Ways To Calm Your Nervous System
Final thought
If you have been quieter than usual…
If your body has changed…
If your energy is not what it once was…
If you are learning how to live in a season you did not choose…
Please know this:
You are not failing.
You are adjusting.
You are listening.
You are learning the steps of a new dance.
And you do not have to do that alone.